Creativity

      January 19, 2014

      I was originally gonna title this post "The Creative Process" but the more I thought about that the more that sounded just a tiny  bit self-righteous, obnoxious and a whole host of other -ous words.  So I just settled on creativity. More vague, but less douchey.

      And what was supposed to be a short post on creativity and how I've been inspired the last few months to work on a new project that I'm writing (big change for me the actor) has become a long messy slog.  Seriously.  I'll probably include the better sections below, but you should know up front that this post might come off slightly ridiculous.  It's not like I was intentionally trying to be deep or anything but as you'll see below, what I wanted to write (quick and witty) is far from what I actually  wrote (slightly long, meandering, and very new agey/self-helpy). To be honest, I REALLY wanna delete this entire post and just write something else.  But I've already spent too much fucking time working on it so I feel the need to post it (or at least sections of it).  I did end up writing a decent PS to the whole thing, so feel free to skip all the way to the bottom and just read the last paragraph.  I won't mind.  

      If you must read the whole thing, I think what will make me like this post more is if I include commentary along the way.  That way I can call out my own bullshit.  I suppose that's a very Meta way of doing things (though even using the word Meta kinda turns my stomach just a bit).  Here's a better example: my commentary below will be sort of like Waldorf & Stadler on the Muppets.   Yeah. I like that. 

(If you don't know who Waldorf and Stadler are...just leave.  Seriously.  Close the browser and go pick up a book or something.  Or at least Google and then come back.  I'll wait.)

      If you're still here...well good luck.  I suppose some of what I wrote below makes sense.

(my commentary will be in BOLD ITALICS. Original, isn't it?)

      I guess what I really wanna share is how I've been able to get my "creative juices" flowing in a few unlikely places.  In my bio I referenced that I'm working on a big project for 2014 that with a little luck might have some legs.  This project, while I'm not gonna get specific about it yet, is actually something that I'm writing.  It's an idea that's been kicking around in my head for a long time but it's only in the last several months that I really sat down and started churning the damned thing out.  And I was thinking the other day about what finally prompted me to get my shit together to really start working on it.  Was it desperation? Boredom?  Or was it something else?  And while I'm sure there was a hint of both desperation and boredom, I realized recently that it was a couple different factors that combined together to sort of get me moving.  

(A solid start I suppose -despite the use of the phrase "creative juices."  I can't believe I used that phrase.  I hate that phrase.  Way to be completely unoriginal there.) 

      The first was when I started working with my author friend in the summer of 2012.  I referenced her in my bio and for purposes of this post we'll call her M.  The great thing about being around M is how driven and focused she is.  And I found that the more time we spent together the more my brain started to fire.  Just being a creative sounding board for her had the unforeseen (but very welcome) consequence of getting me motivated to start working on some of my own shit.  Seeing her dedication to her craft made me realize that some of the nebulous ideas floating around in my brain needed an outlet. 

      So one day I finally sat down to start churning some of these ideas out and wouldn't you know it...they came pretty fast and furious.  This idea (that was just kinda sorta a thought here or there) quickly became something much larger.  Frankly I was surprised at the ease with which these thoughts were coming out.  Which isn't to say what I'm working on is easy.  NO. NO. NO.  That couldn't be further from the truth. This shit is hard.  And just as frustrating (albeit in a different way) as the nonstop auditioning for acting jobs is.  But conceptually speaking...something that initially seemed so daunting and impossible got much easier when I just sat down, glued my ass to the chair, and didn't fucking move until I had worked for a couple hours.  I was able to find some success in the regimented aspect of writing - which M is so good at and which I'm still very much a novice.

(Okay so I don't entirely hate those two paragraphs.  These are probably the two best written paragraphs in the whole post and I should've found a way to start right in with them.  But I didn't.  And so now this post is twice as long and you have my commentary to guide you through it.  Aren't you THRILLED??)

      The second unexpected source of inspiration came from being in a scenestudy class with my favorite acting teacher from graduate school.  This woman used to CRUSH me in my acting classes.  She challenged me and called me on all my bullshit.   As a first year grad student this was scary and upsetting and also incredibly liberating.  I had more fun and learned more from her in 1 year than I probably did in all my other years of acting training combined.  So when I found out she was teaching a private class I JUMPED on the opportunity to work with her again.  Going into the class, the last time she saw me (almost 9 years prior) I was still little more than an overgrown boy.  But here I was returning to work with her as a man.  That sounds cheesy as hell when I write it but it was true.

(Again, not awful.  Though I couldn't resist using ALL CAPS to make a REALLY IMPORTANT POINT.  Clearly a staple of great writers everywhere.  Hemingway, Dickens, Bronte...they all used caps, right??  Also, the boy vs. man analogy wasn't my greatest piece of writing.  But I left that in because my teacher actually said that to me on the first night of class.  With a big smile she said, "Seth...you're a man now. "  It felt pretty good to hear her say that.  Although relating it to you now makes it sound ridiculous.)

      So here I sit a few months later and I'm loving the class.  Aside from having a chance to work with my favorite teacher again, I'm back up onstage.  Maybe only for an hour or so a week but it's better than nothing ya know? See it's been over 2.5 years since I was last in a play. And that's been really hard.  Being onstage is my absolute favorite thing and not being able to do that on a consistent basis sucks.  So I've had to seek creative fulfillment in other ways.  

(CREATIVE FULFILLMENT?!?!   Really?  Did I actually type that??  What. The. Fuck.  Sorry...that sounds awful. Who talks like that?  Seriously.  Why did that sentence come out of me?  My neuroses are just vomiting all over this post right now, aren't they?  I think  the larger point I'm trying to make (very poorly no doubt) is that I had to find an outlet for my creativity beyond just acting.  I've known for some time now that a 9-5 job is not for me.  So I had to get it somewhere else and that led me to writing this aforementioned mysterious project.   Why couldn't I have just said that in the first place?)

      And wouldn't you know...between working with M and now taking this scenestudy class, I'm feeling pretty damned good right now.  It's funny how creativity can spark from the unlikeliest of places.  

(Are ya?  Are ya feelin pretty good?  Because anybody still reading this has to be feelin pretty nauseous. Speaking of...if you are still reading this, who are you?  Mom? Dad?  Little brother?  Do I know you personally?  If so, feel free to call/text me and tell me how ridiculous this post is.  You don't need to finish  reading it.)

      The parallel that recently struck me is like when elite athletes go away and train in the offseason.  There are a variety of training academies all over the country that professional athletes use in the offseason to hone their skills.  But the cool thing about these academies is that they cater to all different types of sports.  So NFL guys might be training with hockey players or tennis players.  Baseball players might train with golfers or soccer players, etc etc.  The point is that the only people who really understand what it takes to be an elite athlete are other elite athletes.  The drive, the determination, the sweat, the tears...no matter the sport, being at the top requires the same amount of work. 

      And I guess that's my larger point.  Just being around creative people has had the unexpected effect of making me better at what I do.  Sure I "train" by doing work in my class, but just being around the other actors, my teacher, and of course my friend M has given me a renewed sense of focus and excitement. 

(I'll give myself a bonus point for the athlete parallel.  I think that part is sort of true.  I once had an acting teacher who said "Always play tennis with someone who's better than you."  He meant you should always strive to work with actors you think are better than you so that you'll always be able to learn something.  And to this day I think his point is valid.  Which is why I tried to include it in this post.  But it took fucking forever to get there.)

PS - I probably should've written a fancy conclusion tying everything together but as I've documented above I've grown to hate huge sections of this entire post.  HOWEVER (yup, went for the all caps),  I do wanna part with one last thought (for the 3 of you still reading).  Being a "creative" person can be a challenge. Actor, artist, sculptor, author, etc...the grind that we go through is different but no less of a bitch than those with a standard 9-5 office job.  So I encourage any of you creative types out there - find other creative folk to hang out with.  You don't have to talk about your "art" or your "struggle" or any of that bullshit. (I mean you can if you want to but it's not necessary).  Just be around them.  Eat, drink, go to parties.  Find time to associate with other creative types and I guarantee that your work will improve simply by being around them. Sometimes just seeing other people be inspired is inspiration/motivation enough.  You might be surprised with the results.  I know I was.  

-SDR