Something something smart & witty

June 10, 2014

     I know what you're thinking (you, my 3 devoted blog readers).  You're thinking that there's no way I could come up with 2 new posts in one day.  I bet you thought that since I just posted my ode to the NHL playoffs I wouldn't have an additional new post today.  While the thought of doing that does make me chuckle, as I said below I wrote the NHL post 2 months ago so not posting something truly new would be a lazy cop out.  While I'm all for the lazy cop out every once in a while I'm trying specifically not to do that for the next few months so here we are.  

      As you can probably tell from the title I didn't have a sense of what I wanted to write about today.  Actually that's not true.  I intend to talk a little bit about going thru those transitional phases in life we all encounter but titling this post "transitions" seemed oddly pretentious and self-serving.  So I opted for a Family Guy Star Wars reference instead.  Much more my style.

      The heart of the matter: my birthday was last month.  May 12th in case you missed it.  And yes I share it with an eclectic bunch of folks: George Carlin, Florence Nightingale, Yogi Berra, Malin Ackerman, Steve Winwood, Katherine Hepburn, Emilio Estevez, and Burt Bacharach to name a few.  Not to mention my friends Jessica and Katie and Lou.  (That's weird, right?  I actually know 4 other people who share my exact birthday.)  At any rate, since that day I've been feeling somewhat unsettled.  I don't know why exactly but something's definitely been bugging me and so I thought I'd write about it.

      I think the reason I'm unsettled right now is that I'm going through one of those transitional phases we all go through (told you earlier I'd get to this).  I'm not sure what the future holds (hopefully some freaking acting work!!) but I do know that I feel like I'm on the cusp of something important.  It's an uncomfortable and frustrating feeling and being the impatient person I am I just want it to be fucking over, ya know?  It's like that damned Phil Collins song keeps playing over and over in a loop in my head - "I can feel it coming in the air tonight..."  I KNOW something's coming.  It is.  Don't know why I know this or what gives me that (false?) confidence, but something's out there.  I can smell it, sense it, taste it even, but I can't fucking see it!!  Annoying, right?  

      So I have to hang in there and just kind of fight thru it I suppose.  But that shit is hard, let me tell you.  While I wanna focus on the larger picture - what's the big change?  is it a job?  a person? am i going on a trip or something? - that only makes me more anxious.  So I try instead to focus on the little day to day things.  Keep my head down, audition, write, workout, kick and punch things (I may have upped my kickboxing to 3 days a week right now), and then go to bed and start again tomorrow.  It feels GLACIALLY slow but as I tell all my friends when they're in similar situations - control what you can control.  Focusing on things that I don't have a direct say in is a fool's errand and leads to nothing good.  So instead I choose to exert my energy on the things I DO have say over - how much I write, how hard I workout, etc - and that at least gives me some sense of calmness.

      But shit if I'm not ready for this to be over.  Off to plug away some more.

-SDR